Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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