So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
