hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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