Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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