Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
