I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
