Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
