final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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