Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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