32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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