NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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