You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
