But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
