just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
