I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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