I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
