Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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