God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We had sex on a dog bed..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
