He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Someone shit on the floor
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
