What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
