If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
