Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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