Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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