I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
