...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
