Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
