see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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