I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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