Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
