Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
