Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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