i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh god it's open bar.
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