Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
