fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can I color on your dick again?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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