I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
