i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
