Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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