Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's shark week go big or go home
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
