the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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