Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
