I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my being single is dangerous.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
