I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
