i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize