Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
