i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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