singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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