I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
