We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
