I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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