I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
