i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
