remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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