so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
