I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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