Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
God, I missed his penis.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
