I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We got so high we made milksteak
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
