the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
