Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
