I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What a dumb baby whore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
