Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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