I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
