Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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