she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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