I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize