Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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