So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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