she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
