don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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