come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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