I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
