i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
