I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
