He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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