my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
